Black Pearl Creation’s Blog

As any crocheter and knitter knows, math is an unavoidable reality in following and making patterns. And if you happen to have a little bit more in the chest and hips, then sometimes it’s almost impossible to make the outfit. Well, here is a caluculator to the rescue! Just type in measurements and it calulates everything, including the dreaded “increase by so many rows”. I played around with it and I was very happy with the results. Try it out for yourself!

I am so excited to announce that 2 bloggers are going to be reviewing my Iola sweater! This is such a great opportunity and I am honored that both of them WANTED to do this when I presented the request! Stay tuned in the next 10 days to see the sweaters before I ship them off!

This was the first email that made me laugh in a long time. It makes total sense that it came from my uncle. Enjoy and I hope you laugh as much as I did!

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don’t take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don’t know,
but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I’d forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
‘Hello.’

I politely said,
‘This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
‘Get the right f***ing number!’
and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
‘You’re an a ** hole!’
and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word ‘a ** hole’ next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I’d call him up and yell,
‘You’re an a ** hole!’

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic ‘a ** hole’
calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
‘Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?’

He yelled
‘NO!’
and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
‘That’s because you’re an a ** hole!’
and hung up.

One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a ‘For Sale ‘ sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
right after calling the first a ** hole (I had is number on speed dial,)
I thought that I’d better call the BMW a ** hole, too.

I said,
‘Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?’

He said,
‘Yes, it is.’

I ! asked,
‘Can you tell me where I can see it?’

He said,
‘Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax.
It’s a yellow ranch, and the car’s parked right out in front.’

I asked,
‘What’s your name?’

He said,
‘My name is Don Hansen,’

I asked,
‘When’s a good time to catch you, Don?’

He said,
‘I’m home every evening after five.’

I said,
‘Listen, Don, can I tell you something?’

He said,
‘Yes?’

I said,
‘Don, you’re an a ** hole!’

Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two a ** holes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.

I called a ** hole #1.

He said,
‘Hello.’

I said,
‘You’re an a ** hole!’
(But I didn’t hang up.)

He asked,
‘Are you still there?’

I said,
‘Yeah!’

He screamed,
‘Stop calling me,’

I said,
‘Make me,’

He asked,
‘Who are you?’

I said,
‘My name is Don Hansen.’

He said,
‘Yeah? Where do you live?’

I said,
‘a ** hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax,
a yellow ranch,
I have a black Beamer parked in front.’

He said,
‘I’m coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.’

I said,
‘Yeah, like I’m really scared, a ** hole,’
and hung up.

Then I called a ** hole #2.

He said,
‘Hello?’

I said,
‘Hello, a ** hole,’

He yelled,
‘If I ever find out who you are…’

I said,
‘You’ll what?’

He exclaimed,
‘I’ll kick your a ** ,’

I answered,
‘Well, a ** hole, here’s your chance.
I’m coming over right now.’

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax,
and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

I got there just in time to watch two a ** holes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger Management really does work.

I had the honor of attending Ghamp Apparel’s launch party this past weekend. It was such a joy to see young men doing something positive. I have a 13 year old son and it was a wonderful feeling to know there are young men he can look up to (and that I don’t have to censor!) Here are a couple of pics of me wearing one of their tee’s and a shot of the young men of Ghamp. Please visit their website to learn more about this revolutionary company!

As many of you know by now, I am a Twitter addict. I even had to add a Twitter category to this blog. Sad? Sure. Necessary? Most definitely! I ask my friends if they “Tweet” and invariably, each time, the response is “Huh?” Well, this video below shows what happens to Twitterers when Twitter is down. And yes, I get just as mad! Courtesy of Cali Lewis - a cool Geek! Stop by her site and say hello!

Due to interest in the 2008 Fall Sweaters, I am making a order schedule. As this is a best estimate, production time could be off up to 10 days. To avoid this problem, only 5 orders are allowed in each time frame. Once those orders are placed, you have to look at another date. As we get closer to the holiday season, backorders will be inevitable. Please plan accordingly! See post below for available colors.

ORDER BETWEEN EXPECTED DELIVERY
7/07/08 – 8/02/08 9/06/08 ORDERS FILLED

8/03/08 – 8/09/08 9/13/08 4 Orders Left

8/10/08 – 8/16/08 9/20/08 5 Orders Allowed

8/17/08 – 8/23/08 9/27/08 5 Orders Allowed

8/24/08 – 8/30/08 10/04/08 5 Orders Allowed

8/31/08 – 9/06/08 10/11/08 5 Orders Allowed

9/07/08 – 9/13/08 10/18/08 5 Orders Allowed

9/14/08 – 9/20/08 10/25/08 5 Orders Allowed

9/21/08 – 9/27/08 11/01/08 5 Orders Allowed

9/28/08 – 10/04/08 11/08/08 5 Orders Allowed

10/05/08 – 10/11/08 11/15/08 7 Orders Allowed

10/12/08 – 10/18/08 11/22/08 7 Orders Allowed

10/19/08 – 10/25/08 11/29/08 7 Orders Allowed

10/26/08 – 11/01/08 12/06/08 7 Orders Allowed

11/02/08 – 11/08/08 12/13/08 Last 7 Orders for Guaranteed Holiday
Delivery

11/09/08 – 11/15/08 12/20/08 7 Orders Allowed but NOT Guaranteed
Holiday Delivery

I’ve just posted new color combinations for the Iola sweater! Take a peek and please, give me your feedback!