Black Pearl Creation’s Blog

No, this isn’t my new diet. These are just some of the items I was treated to by Ms. Lela at Bella Lucce. I tell you, she must have done some research on how dry a cancer patient’s skin gets during chemo. After reading her “About” page, it’s obvious she understands the harmful effects of estrogen imitators and parabens. So, if you are already a cancer survivor or looking to utilize a smaller based, globally responsible company, Bella Lucce is for you!

First, just opening the jars emitted some great fragrances. So much so, that my 14 year old son has even told me I smell good! The butter creme was heaven in my tub! The sugar scrub was devine, the body wash smooth and the silk and honey lotion add the finishing touch!

I’m sure Ms. Lela doesn’t want me to expose her generosity as she seems a humble and sincere person. I truly appreciate what she did for me and I encourage everyone to check out her line!

I was an only child. I was divorced at 24. I’ve taken trips by myself. And throughout my quiet, fairly solo life, I’ve never really felt lonely. I’ve always had true friends and an insane extended family to keep me company. I can honestly say that is not the case now. I am lonely. Yes, I have the kids and I am kept busy but once I am done shuttling them back and forth, and they are in bed, the darkness and void of the night starts to settle over me. Melodramatic as it seems now in the day, that’s how I feel at night.

I really wasn’t dating anyone steady when I was diagnosed. (I haven’t dated anyone steady for a few years). But I really thought the knuckleheads who said they would be there would, well, be THERE. Wrong.

One, who’s mom passed from breast cancer a few months ago, has literally disappeared off the face of the earth spending his inheritance. Thank goodness I wasn’t dumb enough to fall for the “whatever you need, I’ll get for you” line of crap.

Another, who gave his phone number to my son for emergencies, calls when he wants to use the truck. His strategy is to take me to chemo so he has my truck for a few hours. I get my rides from the volunteers of the American Cancer Society, thank you.

So, I’ve been left here to handle this on my own. And that’s what I’m doing.

Believe it or not, I have been working on Black Pearl Creations’ while kicking breast cancer’s ass. I am finishing out the pattern for the man’s scarf. The pattern will be available on Etsy and Ravelry shortly. I am also working on a silk mitered square ruana. Yeah, yeah! I just wanted to let you know business is still roaring forward!

Here it is on Youtube. Video. This video shows my own head shaving due to hair loss from breast cancer treatment. Please share with other breast cancer survivors in the early stages of treatment. Unless you are going through it, it is difficult to understand as much as you may try.

I’ve been dealing with THAT hair falling out since my mom called a couple of days ago to see if I knew it was going to happen. No one sees that part of me and I really don’t care about it. My leg hair has been gone for a couple of days but it’s winter and it’s not like I’m wearing mini skirts to work!

Today was a whole different story.

I put deodorant on and lots of underarm hairs ended on the deodorant. I haven’t shaved in a while because I knew it was going to fall out and I didn’t want to irritate the skin.

I went though my normal routine of putting a touch of Hair Milk on my hair on my head to keep it moisturized and somewhat healthy until it fell out. I then got a wide tooth comb and started gently combing. It didn’t take much. With one comb from top of ear to the nape, my comb was covered. I ended up with quite a bit in the sink and even more on the floor.

I really thought I was ready for this day but I wasn’t. My mom sent me 10 scarves just in time. Some of them she bought but some she made. I wore my favorite today.

I also want to say THANK YOU to my Twitter peeps who have been keeping up with me. I have received so many prayers, well wishes and encouragement! I am truly humbled and honored that so many take a minute out of their day to think of me and my family! Thank you again!

Strong. Brave. Determined. Those are some of the words others have used to describe me in the past month or so. I don’t see myself that way. Of course, I am with myself 24 hours a day and see some moods that I am not quite ready to share. And to be honest, those moods are just me sobbing and bawling and pretty much having a pathetic pity party. But, I digress. I can fully recollect the events that helped to form my attitude.

Earlier this fall, I had a friend who was told he had a very limited amount of time to live. Well, he decided to take this news lying down and turned into a total wuss. This was a man who served in Kosovo and Iraq. He has faced death on many occasions and faced it defiantly. So, for him to have this defeatist attitude was new and shocking to me. Initially, I was the only one he told of his condition so I couldn’t commiserate with mutual friends and family members. This friend of mine decided to drink and give up. He didn’t spend time with his children and he let his civilian job go. He curled up and waited to die. He decided to treat me like crap. I got fed up and told him I would help him with he will, estate and other practical matters. But even though he was waiting to die, he didn’t want to face those issues. After a couple of weeks of intense emotional

(Drugs are already in – may finish later.)

fights with him (yes, physical fights) I walked away. I couldn’t understand how he couldn’t fight. I mean, hell he was a US soldier! Fight! I didn’t completely walk away. I prayed and fasted for his imminent salvation. A couple of weeks later, he did accept Jesus as his savior. I couldn’t ask for more than that. Once he accepted Christ, his attitude changed. He was more concerned with helping others. He chose to help homeless veterans. It was great to see him with such a serving heart.

Over Christmas, he had a heart attack. He is still with us but not for long.

I truly learned from my friend. Call it vanity or whatever, I didn’t want to go out like a wuss. I am a Type A personality and I’m dying that way too! I also made the decision to post and tweet my adventures in kicking breast cancer’s ass. Getting information after the fact is not the same as getting it in real time. I have already encouraged other women to get their mammograms and I suppose this is my way of serving.