Loneliness
I was an only child. I was divorced at 24. I’ve taken trips by myself. And throughout my quiet, fairly solo life, I’ve never really felt lonely. I’ve always had true friends and an insane extended family to keep me company. I can honestly say that is not the case now. I am lonely. Yes, I have the kids and I am kept busy but once I am done shuttling them back and forth, and they are in bed, the darkness and void of the night starts to settle over me. Melodramatic as it seems now in the day, that’s how I feel at night.
I really wasn’t dating anyone steady when I was diagnosed. (I haven’t dated anyone steady for a few years). But I really thought the knuckleheads who said they would be there would, well, be THERE. Wrong.
One, who’s mom passed from breast cancer a few months ago, has literally disappeared off the face of the earth spending his inheritance. Thank goodness I wasn’t dumb enough to fall for the “whatever you need, I’ll get for you” line of crap.
Another, who gave his phone number to my son for emergencies, calls when he wants to use the truck. His strategy is to take me to chemo so he has my truck for a few hours. I get my rides from the volunteers of the American Cancer Society, thank you.
So, I’ve been left here to handle this on my own. And that’s what I’m doing.
on January 14th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Stay strong.
on January 14th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
let patience be ur energy
prayer be ur cup of tea
these things and the love of jesus are all I need to comfort me
u are never truly lonley
just look inside yourself
you have your kids love peace of mind and some sme semblance of ur health.
don’t let this cancer beat u down
don’t let it take u out
its here to teach u to be humble that is what its all about
there is someone always worse off
then u seem to be at this time
just speak a silent prayer
keep being creative
u will be fine
on January 16th, 2009 at 1:52 am
Even though you may feel alone, you aren’t really. We are here watching your tweets and sending our love and prayers.
on January 17th, 2009 at 2:11 am
First off – Screw those a**holes!
Second and most important – You are not alone, I just found your blog and have never been emotionally moved like this before. My heart is open to you, send some of those worries this way and I’ll carry them for you so you can focus on getting better and kicking cancer’s butt! I am adding you to my daily and nightly prayers. You are a strong, rich, complete woman and just know you inspire many!
One love, sisterfriend, one love
on January 17th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Pecan, *churble churble* right back at ya even though that makes me think of a turkey. I didnt realize there were so many in my corner until this week. Thank you for putting up with me!
on January 17th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Kathy, as I told you on Twitter I cried when I read your comment. Was it because it was 11pm on a Friday night? I really dont know. But I do think I have crossed that unbearable loneliness line. I think the crying came from that realization. Its overwhelming to know so many care!
on January 22nd, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Sis, you know we care about you. I look for your tweets and read yr blog (not as often as I’d like though, smile). Plus, when I look at all the yarn in my house, I think of you, lol.
Stay strong sis!
on March 27th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Yes, you have us, your cybersisters, old and new. You can’t see us but maybe you can feel us?
We’re here night and day, in shifts… lol
I’m a night owl.
)
Sending healing thoughts and prayer your way!