Besides my C-section with lil mama, I’ve never had major surgery before. It’s bad enough I am put out of control with all of the chemo drugs and now they want to put me to sleep to operate on me. This is not boding well to my Type A mind.

Then, the idea of the surgery itself brings me to a state of panic. I can and will rank it up there with being amputated.

And how in the world am I supposed to explain the scars, size difference, texture to a potential future mate or even husband? “I had breast cancer so many years ago and to get rid of it, I was forced to go through menopause, take poison and have parts hacked off. So I can’t have your kid and my breasts look weird but at least I have hair now”?

Hell, at least my hair is going to grow back.

1. I’m too tired!
2. I don’t want to hear other people’s sad stories. Sad, but true.
3. I want the focus to be on me. I’m not in a very compassionate mood right now.

Tell me, if you have gone through a challenge: did you utilize a support group? Was it useful?

Thankfully, my auntie was with me during the last session. I fell asleep for about 4 hours (Benadryl, baby) and I wouldn’t have eaten if it wasn’t for her. It was an 8 hour session. Yeah, try sitting in a chair hooked up to tubes for 8 hours. Can we say my butt still hurts?

But lo and behold, when I wake up from my stupor, I see a professional woman next to me. There is something about her and another lady asks her, “Are you Donna Sytek?” She replies that she is. For those familiar with New Hampshire politics, you know who she is. For everyone else, she is New Hampshire’s first female Speaker of the House. Cancer truly knows no boundaries. The other lady asked a lot of questions which I thought were very intrusive. The Lady Speaker was very gracious. The lady tried asking me questions and my auntie gave her a look that would melt cheese. True, I write a blog but it’s still up to me in what I want you (my readers) to know. The irony is the Lady Speaker has written a book on etiquette! LOL

I also started wearing wigs again. Looking like the Coneheads’ sister is ok for a while but it does get old. And I’d much rather turn heads with some hair than without! I just couldn’t take the looks of pity anymore.

First, just opening the jars emitted some great fragrances. So much so, that my 14 year old son has even told me I smell good! The butter creme was heaven in my tub! The sugar scrub was devine, the body wash smooth and the silk and honey lotion add the finishing touch!

I’m sure Ms. Lela doesn’t want me to expose her generosity as she seems a humble and sincere person. I truly appreciate what she did for me and I encourage everyone to check out her line!

I really wasn’t dating anyone steady when I was diagnosed. (I haven’t dated anyone steady for a few years). But I really thought the knuckleheads who said they would be there would, well, be THERE. Wrong.

One, who’s mom passed from breast cancer a few months ago, has literally disappeared off the face of the earth spending his inheritance. Thank goodness I wasn’t dumb enough to fall for the “whatever you need, I’ll get for you” line of crap.

Another, who gave his phone number to my son for emergencies, calls when he wants to use the truck. His strategy is to take me to chemo so he has my truck for a few hours. I get my rides from the volunteers of the American Cancer Society, thank you.

So, I’ve been left here to handle this on my own. And that’s what I’m doing.

Today was a whole different story.

I put deodorant on and lots of underarm hairs ended on the deodorant. I haven’t shaved in a while because I knew it was going to fall out and I didn’t want to irritate the skin.

I went though my normal routine of putting a touch of Hair Milk on my hair on my head to keep it moisturized and somewhat healthy until it fell out. I then got a wide tooth comb and started gently combing. It didn’t take much. With one comb from top of ear to the nape, my comb was covered. I ended up with quite a bit in the sink and even more on the floor.

I really thought I was ready for this day but I wasn’t. My mom sent me 10 scarves just in time. Some of them she bought but some she made. I wore my favorite today.

I also want to say THANK YOU to my Twitter peeps who have been keeping up with me. I have received so many prayers, well wishes and encouragement! I am truly humbled and honored that so many take a minute out of their day to think of me and my family! Thank you again!

Earlier this fall, I had a friend who was told he had a very limited amount of time to live. Well, he decided to take this news lying down and turned into a total wuss. This was a man who served in Kosovo and Iraq. He has faced death on many occasions and faced it defiantly. So, for him to have this defeatist attitude was new and shocking to me. Initially, I was the only one he told of his condition so I couldn’t commiserate with mutual friends and family members. This friend of mine decided to drink and give up. He didn’t spend time with his children and he let his civilian job go. He curled up and waited to die. He decided to treat me like crap. I got fed up and told him I would help him with he will, estate and other practical matters. But even though he was waiting to die, he didn’t want to face those issues. After a couple of weeks of intense emotional

(Drugs are already in – may finish later.)

fights with him (yes, physical fights) I walked away. I couldn’t understand how he couldn’t fight. I mean, hell he was a US soldier! Fight! I didn’t completely walk away. I prayed and fasted for his imminent salvation. A couple of weeks later, he did accept Jesus as his savior. I couldn’t ask for more than that. Once he accepted Christ, his attitude changed. He was more concerned with helping others. He chose to help homeless veterans. It was great to see him with such a serving heart.

Over Christmas, he had a heart attack. He is still with us but not for long.

I truly learned from my friend. Call it vanity or whatever, I didn’t want to go out like a wuss. I am a Type A personality and I’m dying that way too! I also made the decision to post and tweet my adventures in kicking breast cancer’s ass. Getting information after the fact is not the same as getting it in real time. I have already encouraged other women to get their mammograms and I suppose this is my way of serving.